Why was BridgePointLoma originally started? Let’s go back to my April article in the Point Weekly.

What is making that unbelieving student want to learn about our faith? Or that struggling gay Christian to say, “I still want in on this thing you call Christianity”? — The road to love

Questions.

From this impeding loneliness, I felt questions, and I didn’t know where to go with them. I knew that when I signed up to go to this university, it did not support the homosexual lifestyle. To my dismay, I still wanted to come to a Christian university because I had this passion for God, yet I still had an innate desire to kiss a guy over kissing a girl.

As these questions sat on my heart, it never seemed okay for me to ask them, at least without fear of losing many friends in the process. After a long and gruesome process, I made it to where I am today.

⁷“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. ⁸For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.” — Matthew 7

“Where can our experiences be heard without the questionable smirk on her face or the reprimanding glare in his eyes?” — The road to love

Fear.

In spite of this fear I had overcome, I put together BridgePointLoma. I didn’t want students — who were encountering my same sorts of feelings — to have to go through the same frightful process I had to. I wanted to form a respectful community. So I made BridgePointLoma, where

we hope LGBT students at PLNU can share their neglected stories, lingering questions, and increasing trials with their Christian comrades, and together, we can learn what it means to practice listening to and dignifying your political or theological enemy and actively learning to live and love in real-time. We hope to seek reconciliation not based on a change of belief system but rather from a commitment to live in relationship with opposing worldviews while seeking to understand and dignify the humanity of the “other”. — BPL Mission Statement

¹“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. ²For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” — Matthew 7

Too often, people point fingers and make their claims, but BridgePointLoma is not about making — or even reaching — theological or political claims. We are not trying to change a belief system. We are not trying to figure out if homosexuality is a sin. Our sole focus, our foundation, is that there is an overlooked population and to better engage with them, we need to hear their stories and experiences along as share ours with them.

²⁴“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. ²⁵The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.” — Matthew 7

Through the mumbo jumbo of numerous individuals and a nationwide game of “telephone,” I fear people are losing this purpose of my group, founded on and continuing through withholding judgment and asking questions.

I don’t believe that advocating for BridgePointLoma is causing PLNU to compromise its theological beliefs. I am not asking it to. The group is not asking it to. I am advocating for a place that can be shared across PLNU’s campus, where “we can learn what it means to practice listening to and dignifying your political or theological enemy and actively learning to live and love in real-time.”

Amidst the temporal forums that PLNU puts together, these suffering students need something more sustaining. Yes, they can get a counselor to constantly share their stories with, but what I needed more than anything was friends who would listen to my story. Friends, the people who expressed love with me on a day-to-day basis. Their perception of me is what was important. The random members of a book discussion or a forum could not provide me with that. Hence, BridgePointLoma.

So when people say that BridgePointLoma is contrary to the beliefs of Point Loma Nazarene University, I look at them puzzled because I wonder why the university is against seeking reconciliation through “a commitment to live in relationship with opposing worldviews while seeking to understand and dignify the humanity of the ‘other’.” To me, that is BridgePointLoma

Friends, I am not trying to tear down the university. I am trying to build a bridge between two hostile communities. BridgePointLoma. Since the news entered social media, a lot of what has been happening feels much like bridge burning, thwarting my original intentions. I feel the petition – although something I would like to see happen – is too radical for the goals I would like to accomplish through BridgePointLoma. We gain no ground stirring up more ruckus between these communities. We just get left with the rubbish remains of a rundown construction site.

PLNU is a fantastic university, and I hold no bitterness towards it or any of its administration. Although administration and I disagree on the importance of BridgePointLoma, we are both staying in touch and continuing this two-way conversation through their methods with minimal pushback. Family, friends, acquaintances, and strangers, I greatly admire your support. Thank you for hearing my words, but we all know this is much greater than I.

An ally and I had a couple meetings with the VP throughout the semester. It never seemed that she gave us the flat out no-this-is-not-going-to-happen response. When we brought our vision and purpose statements, she said that it would be a difficult task. We asked her what roadblocks we may face, and she picked out the line:

BridgePointLoma is a nondiscriminatory community dedicated to the well-being of lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans-gendered, queer, and questioning students at Point Loma Nazarene University.

and talked about how she thought it would bring some problems, even though she could agree with us that the LGBT community is a suffering community on campus.

“So you’d don’t actually care about the well-being of these students,” I thought to myself.

After her critique of that sentence, my ally and I had the impression that although chartering this club would be difficult, it wasn’t impossible — the club chartering process is student led after all. It didn’t even seem like she said a roadblock, nor did she say she would flat out reject us if we continued. She just told us how difficult it would make her job as an administrator to uphold the name of Point Loma Nazarene Univerity, as she brought up coming out of the ASB spiritual life director almost two years ago. Instead, she offered that we do a book discussion group on Andrew Marin’s Love is an Orientation, which seemed like a good compromise. Residential Life would sponsor the event (providing us with advertising), the VP would order the books, and we would have the first meeting in three weeks.

As we neared the first book discussion group meeting, my ally and I became slightly skeptical. We hadn’t publicized very well and the timing didn’t seem right. It was too close to the end of the semester and split up between homecoming week and thanksgiving break.

“We keep forgetting about chartering. Maybe we should focus on that till the end of the semester,” she said. I couldn’t agree more. We wanted to focus on the group that will last, for the sake of students to come because in May, we’re graduated.

The ASB advisor provided me with the ASB mission statement:

The purposes of ASB shall be (a) to provide for meaningful, student-sponsored educational, social, cultural, religious, and service opportunities for member students; (b) to foster constructive communication and interaction between the members and the administration and faculty; (c) to foster good relations between ASB members and the university’s surrounding community; (d) to establish rapport with other  student  associations with similar objectives; and (e) to provide opportunities for members to develop leadership qualities.

And I continued to work on trying to form a vision and purpose statement based around it. I wanted to keep it open and inclusive yet welcoming:

BridgePointLoma hopes to have non-Christian LGBTs (lesbian, gay, bisexual, and trans-gendered), gay Christians, celibates, ex-gays, liberal and conservative straight Christians and straight non-Christians willfully enter into a place of constructive tension, intentionally forming a community that peacefully and productively takes on the most divisive topics within the culture war that is faith and sexuality. We are aware that LGBT students are a suffering population on the campus of Point Loma Nazarene University (PLNU), and we have realized that the common exclusiveness of the Christian community can overlook the spiritual and interpersonal needs of LGBT community. Through entering this place, we hope LGBT students at PLNU can share their neglected stories, lingering questions, and increasing trials with their Christian comrades, and together, we can learn what it means to  practice listening to and dignifying your political or theological enemy and actively learning to live and love in real-time. We hope to seek reconciliation not based on a change of belief system but rather from a commitment to live in relationship with opposing worldviews while seeking to understand and dignify the humanity of the “other”. We know bridge cannot be built from only one side. Let’s start building.

After submitting this to the ASB Advisor, she affirmed me, “You’ve made it farther than any student I’ve known,” as she sent if off to the administration.

Later that day I had to meet with another staff member whose office was nearby. As I walked by her office, she called me back in.

“The responses I’ve been getting from administration haven’t been positive,” she frowned. “As your advisor, I can’t tell you to continue working on this.” Not wanting me to waste more time trying to make BridgePointLoma official, she told me that they were saying there cannot be a club that is centered around sexual orientation.

My hopes weren’t completely crushed, so I continued to wait. As I waited a couple weeks, she sent me an email to set up a meeting.

We set up a time, I went it, and she broke the bad news to me.

I was devasted. “It’s student-led,” I thought. “That’s why I continued to work.”

Her words brought clarification: “administration will shut down any club centered around sexual orientation that makes it through the club chartering process.”

“Continue with the book discussion group,” she advised. She told me to get together a planning committee. Get it started as soon as possible next semester. Take advantage of all publicizing we can do (chapel slides, campus email, posters). “That will be the time to do administrative ear bending. Make her [the VP] hear.”

So friends, that’s where we are. Although it may seem we lost this semester, we have still accomplished so much. We waited, trying to not offend the administration in hopes of giving BridgePointLoma the best official shot it had. No chance in becoming official, so now, we will continue our own way, not fighting for this club but fighting against this discrimination.

This is an ongoing topic that Point Loma Nazarene University is continuing to brush it under the carpet. The book discussion group can only take us so far. Students will continue to not feel comfortable talking about their experiences because they don’t feel they are welcome. I fear PLNU will continue to leave them where it left me my sophomore year, in my struggle with faith and sexuality: faithless, godless, and broken.**

We will continue to push forward. Our voice will be made known. We don’t stop here.

** see my blog post titled the road to love

“We wanted to form a community and a safe haven for students from these backgrounds and provide a voice to them and their experiences.” said PLNU senior Sean Lewis.

Both Lewis and Roth are currently working to make BridgePointLoma a club affiliated with the Point Loma Nazarene University campus.

“Melissa and I talked to Caye Smith (Vice President of Student Development) during the summer before the school year started,” said Lewis. “And she is surprisingly supportive of BridgePointLoma. But, Caye discourages the club being called a GSA (Gay Straight Alliance) because PLNU doesn’t approve of that certain title.”

PLNU has had its share of dealing with LGBTQ topics. Two years ago, the Director of Spiritual Life, Todd Clayton, openly admitted that he was gay. His supervisor told him that he could keep his job, only if he didn’t promote the lifestyle. A few weeks later, Clayton quit his job. Recently, Clayton was informed about the potential club BridgePointLoma.

“I’m excited! It’s crucial for Point Loma to support people of that background.” said Clayton.

Point Loma also would not allow a similar group that wanted to hold discussions about LGBTQ topics on Point Loma’s campus. This group, called All God’s Children, was founded six years ago to offer a safe space for open conversation on LGBTQ issues and faith. The founders, Dr. Phillip Bowles and his wife Sharon, asked for permission to have meetings on campus, but the request was not granted.

“I felt like this was something that I was called to do,” said Dr. Bowles, “No one was providing a safe place. And considering that this is one of the most talked about topics in society, it’s important for the community to know more.” However, the Administration still did not allow Dr. Bowles to discuss All God’s Children. “I was served a paper stating that as a private citizen I was granted free rights. However, as a professor of a private university I was not allowed to discuss AGC with anyone on campus.”

All God’s Children had its last meeting on September 16 at the Westminster Presbyterian Church located on Talbot Street. Dr. Bowles stated that AGC required a lot of time and effort.

“Sharon and I are weary. We have put personal things on hold in order to have a safe haven.” Not to be discouraged however, Bowles says, “The rest of us need to figure out what it’s like to be LGBTQ. How would we respond to outcasted people? How would Jesus love them?”

“We have been blessed by a number of eloquent voices in the last several years. A number of students came out, and they have told AGC about their experiences and how freeing it is to be real. We should all appreciate the gift of their courage and of their voices.”

Nevertheless, things are starting to change at PLNU. In past years, PLNU’s student handbook stated that,

“In accord with the Church of the Nazarene, PLNU affirms that sexual intimacy is God-ordained and to be practiced within the covenantal relationship of heterosexual marriage. Practices outside of this context may be subject to institutional intervention, which may include student conduct processes.”

Now, the student handbook has changed the statement and replaced it with the following statement that was adapted from the Church of the Nazarene Manual from 20012-2013.

“We believe that all people should be treated with dignity, grace, and holy love, whatever their sexual orientation.”

Current Students also have varying opinions about BridgePointLoma.

“I think it’s great. I think as a campus, we talk about being a supportive community and that’s what this club does,” said Jeff Campbell, a sophomore at PLNU, who supports the idea of BridgePointLoma becoming a club.

However, for other students, the situation is two- sided.

“This issue, for me, starts with the faculty and the double standard that establishing a club like this would set,” said Student Congress Representative, Robert Contreras. “These kids should have a voice, however, under the club environment that our school has set up, it doesn’t belong.”

Contreras continues, “With our school being Nazarene, we should say ‘no’ to a club like this because homosexuality is considered a sin. However, if we are sticking to the bible, we are also called to love everyone like Christ did, which I think President Bob Brower discussed in chapel. Considering that, I think we could all agree that we should not only love these students, but also give them a place to feel loved.”

But some students disagree and say that the club should not have affiliation with PLNU at all. “By having this club on campus, we are inviting a culture and mindset of permitting sin.” said Adam Donason, a sophomore at PLNU. “The world says that tolerance is love, but God says that love is a warrior fighting for our freedom from the bondage of sin. If this culture of apathy is created, we have stopped fighting for the Kingdom of Heaven’s advancement as referenced in Romans 1:32.”

Today, private Christian universities across the country are still wrestling with LGBTQ topics and issues. LGBTQ student groups are accepted at some private Christian universities but more often than not, they are not allowed. And PLNU is no exception.

“BridgePointLoma wants to form loving relationships with people with different backgrounds,” said Lewis, “It’s called loving in tension but with respectful manner. If PLNU is a community that encourages us to form communities, then that is what we will do. A bridge cannot be built from only one side. So let’s start building.”

That same day, I had published an article in the school newspaper about living as a closeted gay in a denomination of the Christian church that condemns homosexuality. It was a strange day. Although I fully expected the freedom that comes with publicly admitting who you are, there was also a sneaky trepidation around me that day. Who had read it? What did they think? Is this going to affect my friendships? I continually reminded myself throughout the day what my roommate had told me the night before.

“Every time you talk about it, you expect people to react so negatively. You should try to give them the benefit of the doubt.”

And he had been right the entire day. Lots of hugs. Some tears, but tears of happiness. So many congratulations. If you had seen me walking back to my dorm that night, there probably was a noticeable bounce in my step. It all just felt good.

I liked walking this way because if there were people out, I got to walk by them. That quick awkward glance and a smile is my opportunity to lift someone’s spirits if only for a fleeting moment with a smile and a hello. Sometimes we even talk for a bit. But it beats walking the other road by myself. Plus, this way I got to see the ocean.

The girl drew closer and closer. She looked up, and I saw the epiphany strike her eyes.

“Are you Zach Christy?”

“Yeah, I am!”

“You wrote the article today, didn’t you?”

“Yup, that was me.”

“I don’t know you, but I’ll be praying for your sins.”

WOW.


Like a dagger to the heart. I didn’t even know how to respond. I waited a few seconds, and stuttered an alright before staggering forward, and past her. I suppose the euphoric reactions of everyone I encountered all day had erased the expectations I had the night before, the same expectations that had just played out in front of me. My sins? Hadn’t I tried to explain that being gay isn’t a choice in my article? Didn’t she realize that I wasn’t being gay to spite the church, to spite God? How could she say such a thing to me?

My mind was flashing as I continued walking. Short-lived moments of confusion, fugitive feelings of anger, even brief touches of sadness. They all melted into each other to create an awkward clumsiness. I fumbled to unlock the door to my apartment. I walked in, feigned a quick smile to my roommates still awake, and went into my room. I threw my bag on my bed, and went to the bathroom. I stared at myself in the mirror. I looked different than I remembered myself looking before. I looked uncomfortable, shaken maybe.

Did I also look like a sinner?

Who knows. I switched on the shower, and stood there, only faintly feeling the water run down my head. I realized that it was only a matter of time before someone here reacted that way. I had experienced those reactions already, but they were always apologetic, saying that they couldn’t understand the choices I was making and needed time to process. This girl was so upfront and bold with her condemnation.

“I don’t know you, but I’ll be praying for your sins.”

condemnation (part II)

Tentatively glancing up the staircase, I sighed and started dragging my feet, plopping the thousand-pound anchors on each step. Once I finished yanking my apprehensive body to the entrance of my dorm, I saw my good friend, hands in his pockets, slowly walking over from his dorm just across the parking lot.

He and I had known each other for two years now and had been close friends over the last year. Before, we’ve had countless conversations – some on this topic – but none like this, none so personal. I would say some of them were more like intellectual debates while others were primarily silly disagreements for the sake of optimism and pessimism. So I knew exactly how he would lead conversation, deeply clinging to Scripture with primarily conservative ideas. He’d call me an idiot and tell me I’m wrong, leaving me exposed, naked, and once again, abandoned.

While I silently hauled my lifeless body up another set of stairs, he coolly scaled them beside me, waiting for me to initiate something. As we got closer to the top of the stairs, pressure began to swell, pressing on my soul and bawling for freedom. After building it up for hours upon hours, I couldn’t suppress the pressure any longer. The words were violently pressing on my tongue, and like a long-dormant geyser erupting, I opened my mouth: “I’m gay.”

Silence filled the air as my heavy words lingered above us. Nothing. We took a few more steps. Nothing. Where was his outburst? Where was his reprimanding? Where was the condescension? Pure silence. For a moment, we stopped walking, and I looked him in the eyes. Looking at me as he faintly squinted and gently flexed his forehead, he responded.

“Okay.”

One simple, four-letter-word response: “Okay.” A straight-forward, “okay.” Not a disgusted “ooookay,” not a terrified “okaaaay,” or not a scoffing “oookaaaay.” Just an abrupt “okay” without contempt, without judgment. A mellow okay of considerate curiosity. A conscious okay of intentional acceptance. A moderate okay of hospitality.

Indirectly, he invited me to fill the conversation with my experiences and my thoughts, liberation. My burden of rejection dissipated into the illusion that it truly was, and I realized that I was wrong. My presuppositions about him and my ideas about his character were wrong, elaborate fantasy that could not last in the presence of love.

Sometimes, we’re just wrong. We respond to the world with what we think is best. When friends come to us in times of sadness, we tend to encourage them with the words faith and hope, but these words fall short. Faith just left me wrestling with myself, wondering if I actually believed. Hope just reminded me of my hopelessness, considering the worthlessness of life. Independently, they’re insufficient. By themselves, they’re powerless.

It’s love. When a person is waiting to be belittled and unheard, love keeps the dialogue open for the individual to fill with their self, with what weights their heart. When a person is ready to be torn to pieces, love creates space for them to process with you, free of judgment. When a person is on the brink of quitting, love shows them that they are not alone, that humanity is designed for community. When a person is about to give up, love invites them to stay engaged in the ongoing, perplexing conversation that is the concept of God. It. Is. Love.

As we walked back to where we started, the conversation began to dwindle. With his flawless conclusion, He comforted me: “Sean, you are my friend, and I still love you.” Following my gratitude, he topped it off with a hug, and to my surprise, my life was changed. He had done it all. Through love, I discovered faith. Through love, I discovered hope. Through love, I discovered God. Love won.